8.15.2005

Totally Cheap Rhode Island Post

So, this is totally a cop-out, but I'm cleaning out old email files and re-found this collection of "You know you're from Rhode Island when..." statements. I've described Rhode Island as a veritable "Galapagos Island" of strange culinary and cultural patterns, and this list gives you a decent sense of just how odd we native Rhode Islanders can be. A lot of these lists tend to be rather vague and more "New England" oriented, but this one is real deal, and a good insight into our weirdness. My personal favorites are "You feel compelled to hear at least one weather report a day" and "You serve bread with every meal" -- both habits that drive my partner crazy, that I never realized were somehow less than normal until he informed me that in California, as well as other parts of the world, you don't get half a loaf of bread with, say, Chinese take-out...

You say "please" if you want something repeated.
You consider a car journey of longer than one hour a day trip.
You can curse in Italian.
You know the basic rules of DuckPin bowling.
You own garden tools from Job Lot.
You have tried to drive the measured mile in less then 45 seconds.
You know what the expression "side by each" means.
You have talked about graphic surgery at the dinner table.
You have used the expression "Not For Nuthin" or "bubbla".
You serve bread with every meal.
You know what "3 all the way" means.
You load up on milk and bread before a snowstorm.
You feel compelled to hear at least one weather report a day.
You understand the humor of the Ocean State Follies.
You have pulled out of a sidestreet and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you could make a left-hand turn.
You consider your holiday season incomplete without a trip to Lasalette Shrine.
You have a bottle of coffee syrup in the fridge right now.
You've phoned into a talk show on WPRO or WHJJ.
You have given a bottle of Sakonnet wine as a gift.
You've gotten sick from eating too many clam cakes.
You own at least one coffee table book with a picture of a lighthouse on it.
You've boasted about the money you saved at the Christmas Tree Shop.
Your first live concert was at The Civic Center, Rocky Point or RI AUDITORIUM!!!!
You own a hat with a red "P" on it.
You have a secret desire to muss up Doug White's hair.
You were born at Lying-In Hospital.
You still call the Rhode Island Mall the Midland Mall.
You have close relatives who work for the state.
You've gone to "Legs and Eggs".
You have used a demolished landmark when giving directions.
You secretly watch "Providence" even though you tell your friends you don't.
You have slammed on your breaks to discourage a tailgater.
You know what a burger "The Newport Creamery Way" is.
You have dated a girl named Brenda or a guy named Vinnie.
You have used the breakdown lane on 95 to pass someone.
You've personally met Vinnie Paz.
Your idea of a dream house is a raised ranch.
You have relatives who have been to Edgehill Newport, Codac, or Butler.
You have driven more than 5 miles out of your way to save less than two bucks.
You been on a RIPTA bus less than 2 times in the past 6 years.
You can sing the Rocky Point theme song.
You know what a "governor-preferred" plate is.
You've asked your mechanic for an inspection sticker even though your car failed to pass.
You have a degree from RIC, CCRI or URI.
You think vodka and Del's is a great combination.
You've been to Twin Oaks for your birthday.
You've borrowed dealer plates from a friend.
You know how to pronounce Pawtucket, Cowesett, Usqepaug, and Narragansett.
You've been to Scarborough Beach but not Block Island.
You've been on a Bay Queen cruise.
You can recognize a Cranston accent.
You think high hair, gold chains, and gum go together.
You think there's a "v" in the name Cheryl.
You drop the "w" in Greenwich, Kingstown, and Warwick.
You use the expression "down-city" for downtown.
You've eaten at Haven Brothers.
You celebrate St. Joseph's Day and know what a "zeppolla" is.
You have at least one gallon of Newport Creamery coffee ice cream in your freezer.
You know what "ProJo" stands for.
You still call CCRI "reject".
You know who Jack Comly, Sara Wye and Sherm Strickhauser are.
You think that "party/potty" "God/guard" "law/lore" and "hot/heart" are examples of homonyms.
Your city house and your beach house are less than an hour away from each other.
You know the original name for Airport Road.
You always start giving directions by saying, "Well, you get on 95?"
You know where "NiRoPe" comes from.
You know what "John from Alpert's" sounds like.
You can recite the license plates of all your family members and friends.
You know where " the Hill" is located.
You refer to the movies as the Show.
You know what Allie's makes.
You know what a "package store" is.
You think lots of gold jewelery looks great on the beach.
Your favorite expressions are, "Are you serious?", "Wicked", and "You know what I'm saying?"
You know you need "quahogs" to make "stuffies".
You know there's a West End but not a West Providence.
You think banana, vanilla, and idea all end in "r".

2 comments:

Michael said...

I'm not from Rhode Island, but just one year spent there while on sabbatical and I have to admit, I am guilty as charged of a number of things.

Being from Texas, I was amazed that people complained about having to drive all the way from Barrington to Warren for something or to East Providence. It's what? Two miles, for God's sake! I walked from East Providence to Bristol once on the bike path, and even that is not a day trip.

BaptizedPagan said...

I once met a man who lived in South County (not actually the name of any county in Rhode Island...but no one knows any of the real county names, because there are only 5, and they don't really do much) who had never been "all the way" up to Providence (20 minutes away). He was in his early thirties, seemed perfectly normal, but just saw no reason to leave his home. Karl Rahner talked about the existence of "anonymous Christians", can one be an "anonymous monastic"?